Thoughts....

With my appointment at the Chiari institute being less than a week away now, I have a lot on my mind. I feel a bit of apprehension at the thought of this upcoming appointment. The blessing of having Chiari malformation vs Multiple Sclerosis is the fact that chiari is fixable and MS is not. However, there is a sense of nervousness as I realize that these doctors have the final decision in there hands. Part of my nerves come from a worry that they may delay the decision again which I am not sure I could take. However, I guess I would rather that instead of them saying no.

After taking a bad fall this week because I am having problems with my right leg not always listening to what my mind tells it to do, I am annoyed by the frustrating and increasing symptoms. However, even though I want to have the surgery and therefore the possibility of relief I sense God is calling me to a difficult decision. I feel as though He is not preparing me for a no or a yes but to come to a place where I am willing to accept whatever happens. I don't feel this is a place of giving up really but in reality a surrendering to God and His will for my life. I am not giving up the fight by any means because either way I will be in a fight. Either a fight to maintain as normal a life as I can with the symptoms I have or a fight to recover from a major surgery. Either way I am in for a fight but that fight becomes that much easier when it is one I am fighting with God.

I am a very independent person and for so long I thought "I don't need any ones help, I can do it myself." But that attitude doesn't help in the long run. I have been learning to surrender things to God and trust in His will for my life. I have found that the road is much smoother that way. This situation is no different and as I can fully trust God with this I will have the peace to deal with whatever comes! I continue to pray for healing, and if necessary for the surgery that can bring healing. But I am learning to rest the situation in God's hands and trust His will for me and His plan.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness. Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10