And the thunder rolls....

Have you heard the saying, "And the thunder rolls?"  The most memorable use of that saying was in Garth Brooks country song, "And the Thunder Rolls."  Well, I never really understood that term.  To me thunder was a loud pop or bang following a flash of lightning.  That was until I moved to Texas.  My first lightning storm down here blew my mind.  The thunder simply rolled.  There weren't pauses or starts and stops, it simply continued to roll through while lightning formed a light show all around.  It is the most amazing thing I have ever seen!

Currently when lightening is passing through it is often accompanied by another part of creation that many would like to not have.  That is the instability of the atmosphere.  When that atmosphere becomes unstable a tornado can literally drop out of the sky at any given second causing both beauty in it's appearance, while leaving such damage in it's wake.  New technology in the past few years has made it a bit easier for them to predict the possibility of tornado's but even at that, they only can say that the atmosphere is primed and ready for action.  The storm in Moore, OK this week gave a whopping 16 minutes warning.  Here in Tornado alley we have what are known as "storm watchers."  When the possibility is there, these storm watchers will go out and keep an eye out for tornado's.  When one touches down they will have that area turn on their sirens alerting the people in that community to get under ground, or in the most fortified area you can without windows.

With an E4 or E5 it is critical to have a basement to go to, but in Texas the ground is like clay, and is near impossible to build basements or underground shelters.  So we must get as low to the ground and pray it doesn't come over us.

2 weeks ago, I saw the change in the sky occurring.  Clouds rolled in, thunder started to roll, the lightening show began, and the air began to change in an unexplainable way.  At the time, I was naive and more curious.  I was out on my balcony taking pictures.  At one point I was on the phone and said to my friend, "there is an alarm going off, guess I am supposed to go get in the bathtub or something."  That night 3 or 4 alarms went off and I stayed right on my couch looking out my sliding glass windows.  Little did I know that all around me 16 or more tornado's touched down including the deadly one in Granbury, Tx not far from me.

Later a friend explained to me that I am supposed to turn on the TV and they will tell me if it is serious or not, but that an alarm means a touch down has occurred near you.  Well, I guess I failed my first test.

Just this week, I was at work.  The environment was primed for the "perfect" storm so we were on alert all day.  In the early afternoon, they called a "Code black" and we had to go move all of our patients from their rooms into the hallways.  It was an eerie feeling sitting in the hallway listening to the sounds. No storm touched down by us that day and many a storm experts said we were incredibly lucky.

Now, however, I am a bit more knowledgeable about these storms and I take them serious.  The one in Oklahoma started from a blip of storm in the sky and turned into a massive E-5 tornado.  I could choose to be scared and worry or I can trust that God has a perfect time for everything.  The Bible speaks in numerous places that a person's days are numbered.  There is a time and an hour destined for us as it says in Job: "A person's days are determined; You have decreed the number of his months and have set limits he cannot exceed."  Worry isn't going to add to my life!  Worry is not going to change my circumstances!  I have been through enough difficult things in my life to realize that God has me in the palm of His hand and never lets me go.  There may be times, I think He has forgotten me, or left, BUT always when I look back and see how He has provided for me, taken care of me and carried me through, I am AMAZED!!!!

This week, the models are showing some powerful storms may hit our area.  Rather than sit back and worry, I choose to look at the amazing creation and all it's glory.  It reminds me of truly how small I am in the grand scheme of things and how little I have control of.  But MY God is present in all of it, and I desire to make an impact in this world that is lasting.  Each day how I interact with others, when I take a moment to touch someones life in a simple way, I have an impact on this world.  It is like a ripple that spreads through the earth.  I pray God opens my eyes more and more to the needs of those around me, and gives me the ability to love those around me in a way that extends His grace and mercy to others.  God chose to use us to demonstrate his daily love and affection for mankind....what a great honor He has bestowed upon us and now it is our responsibility to take that challenge and do it the justice it deserves.

It was bound to happen....

I knew it was coming, I just wasn't sure when!  The "it" was the incredible ache for what I left behind in NJ.  Well today, it finally happened!  I have been here nearly 3 weeks but have been kept busy with finding an apartment, getting stuff I need, working and taking classes for work.  This week however I ended up with a long 3 day weekend which was a little too much down time for me.

This morning I went to a church of a co-workers.  It was fine but it was not my home church, with my friends and pastor.  Today also would have been my Sunday to sing on the worship team!  When I met the pastor he asked my about my home church and I barely got through it without losing it.  Once I got to my car I sat down and started to cry.  At that very moment, my friend and old roommate texted me saying that there was a SaraJane shaped whole on the worship team and that my friend Trisha really missed me too.  Once I read that text I couldn't stop crying.  Even now as I type it, my eyes are watering.

People who know me well, know that I am not a crier nor am I super emotional.  However, as tough as my time in NJ was, I learned who my true friends were who stuck by me through illness, brain surgery, being knocked out of nursing school, 2 job losses, 2 car accidents and the list goes on.  Through all of that I learned a lot about myself and I learned a lot about opening up to others.  More importantly I began to learn the importance of not being so self-reliant, rather to first rely upon God and second to allow His people to come in and support me.  As I was just getting comfortable with that idea and seeing how amazingly my church will step up in times of need, God moves me to Texas.  I know there is a lesson in all of this.  And the adventurous side of me loved the idea of moving to Texas.  However, the side of me that is not great at opening up and allowing others to walk side by side me in my toughest times was not looking forward to this next lesson.  I know that part of this is that God had taken me as far as I was going to go in that environment and now it is time for me to learn to fly with Him.

It is days like today that I wish I could transport myself to NJ, even if just for a little while, to be around the one's I love and who love me just as I am....all my flaws and challenges.  But I know in due time God will provide what I need down here, in a church, in friends and in a support system.  It is just going to be a bit of a struggle in the mean time and a learning to rely on Him and His perfect love and timing.  He has never failed me and I KNOW He will not fail me in the future.

So today may be difficult but it is in these times I can lay my broken heart at the Lord and wait upon Him to pick me up and carry me as He always has and always will!

A dear friend in NJ gave me a devotional and today I read it and it was PERFECT for the moment as only God could have timed it.  Each devotional is for a specific day.

Today's devotional: May 19

"I want you to know how safe and secure you are in My Presence.  That is a fact, totally independent of your feelings.  You are on your way to heaven; nothing can prevent you from reaching that destination.  There you will see Me face to Face, and your joy will be off the charts by any earthly standards.  Even now, you are never separated from Me, though you must see Me through eyes of faith.  I will walk with you till the end of time and onward into eternity.

Although My Presence is a guaranteed promise, that does not necessarily change your feelings.  When you forget I am with you, you may experience loneliness or fear.  It is through awareness of My Presence that Peace displaces negative feelings.  Practice the discipline of walking consciously with Me through each day."

I Cor 13:12-13: For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.  And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Psalm 29:11  The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace.

Stepping out of my shell....

I know my dear friend Robyn would disagree with me but I am rather shy in large groups until I get to know people.  When I was in college, I got to know people so well and it was a small college so I had no problem being out front as a leader and doing many different things.  However, in the real world, that is big and many different people, I tend to be reserved at first.  Often people will misinterpret it as being rude.  I remember when I started at my church in NJ and they had a fellowship time in between the worship time and the message, I would nearly have a panic attack.  I hated every minute of it  (note: even now that I have been there 5 years and know most people, it still freaks me out).  Forget going to the back after church for fellowship time.  I remember bolting out the back of church immediately after in order to get away from the crowds.  My pastor as well as my good friend Sal would each try to catch me before I bolted and convince me to hang out....but I would have none of it.

The east coast is also very big on greeting with a kiss and sometimes a hug.  If I know you and am comfortable with you that is fine....but this is complete strangers greeting you as if they have known you for years.  When I was looking for churches then, I never returned to a particular church because they had a greeting line to get out the door.  People literally lined up and said good by to the pastor and staff before they left.  This is definitely out of my comfort zone.  

The past 5 years in NJ I have really worked on my natural comfort zone and putting myself out there with strangers.  For me, it takes being purposeful and learning to be OK with uncomfortable situations.  Now moving to Texas where I know absolutely no one....I am truly having to be purposeful.  Many said to me that I was daring moving to a place I didn't know anyone.  For me, it was not an issue moving to an unknown land, or being by myself....I am natural at being a hermit.  On the contrary it is more of a challenge to place myself out there in order to get to know people.  

On one hand Texas is a bit easier because people are so friendly, but then on the other hand people are friendly.  Getting to know people on a deeper level seems to be a bit more challenging.  Work now is not to difficult because it is a small facility and the initial intros are over.  However, church on the other hand is going to be tough.  I am currently checking out different ones to find the right fit for me.  My first week the church was a bit far for my preference.  This last week was good but a bit small which only matters because of being new.  I want to be able to meet others my age to hang out with.  A funny thing happened which my peeps in NJ would laugh about.  After the singing a woman came over and hugged me like a long lost friend.  Then she preceded to take me around the church to meet everyone in the church.  It was definitely a purposeful effort to not want to run out the back door.  LOL

Moving to Texas was the easy part.  Now getting to know people will be the challenge.  I have not always been good at it but I am making a purposeful choice to get out to meet people and not just go out but actually talk to people.   I will keep you posted as I am sure you are all so excited about that.  HAHA  Thanks for reading

Hit the ground running...

When I arrived in Fort Worth 2 weeks ago, I hit the ground running.  I had 3 1/2 days to find an apartment otherwise I would have had to empty my trailer and find a place to stay short term or pay a fortune to stay in a hotel.  Prior to coming I had done a lot of research on where I wanted to live and apartment complexes in that area.  Unlike NJ it is primarily Apartment complexes so it made it easy to do research ahead of time.  Each location has their own website and pictures.

By Saturday I had settled on a place that was a mile and a half from my job and surrounded by all the shopping and food places you could want.  It is a suburban area on the SW edge of Fort Worth.  One thing I learned quickly about the Dallas/Fort Worth area is that everything is spread out and a drive.  People don't even blink about driving an hour to get somewhere.

My apartment is newer and very clean with all the things you could need.  I especially liked the pools for the hot summer days, though I have since learned that it actually can be so warm that the pools are no longer refreshing.  People who live in Fort Worth like to tell me it is humid but to me it is very dry.  It feels a lot like a NJ winter needing constant lotion, chap stick, and always feeling parched.  The other day I soaked my dog down for a bike ride we were going to take and within 5 min or less she was completely dry.  In humid NJ she would have stayed damp because of the moisture in the air.

Just a mile from my apartment is a biking/running/walking trail that goes throughout Fort Worth.  It runs along the Trinity river.  I have been on it twice so far. The day I went for a bike ride and had Faith run aside me, people were so amazed.  They kept looking and talking about it or making comments.  But then again these are the same people that think I am crazy for walking or riding my bike a mile and a half to work.

Once the hot of the weather comes it is regularly in the 100's with lows in the 70's and 80's.  I don't mind hot and dry especially with central Air.  However, I am not sure I can get rid of my winter clothes because Texans love their AC.  They blast it so that it is like a freezer in the building.

I started my new job a week and a half ago.  The people are super friendly and helpful.  So far all we have done is orientation and now classes.  I should be on the floor by next week if I can have all my classes finished.

Many of my close friends said that Texas would be a good fit for me.  Ironically, I had no desire to leave NJ, not so much because of the people but more because of my family and friends that I had grown close with.  However, after 2 weeks here I am seeing that this assessment is very true.

Texas bound day 1

Today my friend Loredana and I began the 24 hour trip to Fort Worth, Texas.  I rented a U-haul trailer and only brought what would fit in the trailer.  This morning we loaded up my dog and ourselves and began a long day of driving.  Our destination for the day is Nashville, TN.  14 hours of driving went smoothly.  We followed rule 1-100 very closely which each state, DO NOT put yourself in a position to have to reverse the trailer!  With no incidents and a soundly sleeping dog, our day has been adventurous but without any bad situations.

It is a relief to finally be on the road!  I can't wait to find an apartment, start work, and find a church....beginning a fresh start.  I know it will be tough but I am looking forward to the process and the experience.  

Changes....

After a challenging year employment wise preceded by many years of other challenges, God is moving me.  If you would have asked me 5 years ago if I would be in NJ long I would have said, "Heck no!"  Fast forward to 6 months ago and ask me if I would be leaving NJ any time soon and I would have said, "No way!"  

Why the change?  It is all about the connections!  I moved here to be closer to my big brother and his family.  Since then I have not only bonded with them but also with an amazing church family.  This church family and friends have supported me through a difficult time through nursing school, illness, brain surgery, and job loss.  This past 6 months when I didn't get unemployment initially and had to wait through the long appeals process, which is still happening, my church family has helped me emotionally and practically when I didn't know where money for rent would come let alone food.  I never wanted for anything that I needed.  This is exactly the purpose of the church body and they lived it out.  

Back in December a friend visited Texas and told me I should look into hospitals there as the economy was booming.  They also said I would love it.  I quickly responded "no way!"  I am finally grounded with connections and I had no intentions of going anywhere.  God has used the past years of struggle to both grow me and to teach me about relationships.  

Fast forward to March.  I still had no job; no prospects even, as the nursing market is very poor in NJ.  It only got worse when the largest health care system laid off 90 people.  I finally decided to spend a day applying for jobs outside of NJ.  I didn't have a focused plan, I literally went state by state, place by place and decided if it was a place I thought I could live, then applied.  Within 2 hours of applying to a hospital in Fort Worth, TX I had a call from the Chief Nursing officer and had a phone interview.  When I got off, I immediately said, "No way, I am not leaving Jersey!"  That night as I was going to bed, I was spending time reading my bible and praying.  I finally conceded and told the Lord, "if you want me to go you will have to make it abundantly clear!"  The next morning I woke up with a sense that I was moving.  I can't really explain it other than it was both a knowing and a peace that filled me.  I spent the day applying to a few other hospitals to see if I could line up a few interviews at the same time.  Again within an hour or two I had an email requesting to set up a phone interview.  

Within a few weeks, God provided the money for a plane ticket and rental car, and 3 free nights in a hotel.  All this occurred in ways that could only be explained by the mighty God I serve.  I now had 4 interviews, more than I had in NJ in all the time I was looking for jobs...100's of applications I had put out.  When I returned from my trip to Fort Worth, Texas I had 3 job offers to decide from and things moved quickly from there.  

I don't know anyone in the Dallas/Fort Worth area but I have peace that God is going before me and preparing the way.  I also am excited for the change and to see what God has planned for me.  I am incredibly sad to be leaving my family and friends but I am excited at the same time for this upcoming change.  Only God knows, and I have learned over the past 5 years to go for the ride and have my eyes and ears open as to not miss a thing.  

Winds of change.....

Well, it has been a while!  So many times I thought, I should post, but then I couldn't think of anything that was exciting enough!  But tonight I was driving home, and I thought about when I started this blog...my move from Oregon to NJ.  I wanted one central place for people to come and see how the change was going.  Then I had new experiences here in NJ, nursing school, and brain surgery.  But after all those, life got a little boring, I guess :-).

As I was driving I was thinking about this past year, and all that has happened both good and bad.  It has been a very bumpy road, which I have not shared much about.  However, through that process, God has been drawing me near to Him, and speaking to my heart, changing me!  This morning I woke up with a sense that life is going to be taking a major turn, down a road, I don't have any clue where it is leading!  I am not sure exactly what it means, or where I will end up!  But I am at a cross roads and it is time for me to take a look at where this path is leading.  Will it lead me away from NJ and the friends and family who I have grown so close to?  Will it lead me back to my career as a nurse that I had gained and lost this year...faster than you can pull the rug out from someone?  These are questions I don't have answers too!  But in my heart of hearts, I KNOW change is coming! 

I am one who easily flows with where ever the current will take me...a foreign country, 3000 miles across America to a strange land, one career to another....but this current is carrying me somewhere unknown.  It is a little scary and not as easy as it has been in the past!

Tonight as I drove home a song came on the radio!  This song spoke to my heart about all of the unknowns ahead of me!  I spoke peace to my soul!

"Already There"

From where I'm standing

Lord it's so hard for me to see

Where this is going

And where You're leading me

I wish I knew how

All my fears and all my questions

Are gonna play out

In a world I can't control

When I'm lost in the mystery

To You my future is a memory

Cause You're already there

You're already there

Standing at the end of my life

Waiting on the other side

And You're already there

You're already there

From where You're standing

Lord, You see a grand design

That You imagined

When You breathed me into life

And all the chaos

Comes together in Your hands

Like a masterpiece

Of Your picture perfect plan

When I'm lost in the mystery

To You my future is a memory

Cause You're already there

You're already there

Standing at the end of my life

Waiting on the other side

And You're already there

You're already there

One day I'll stand before You

And look back on the life I've lived

I can't wait to enjoy the view

And see how all the pieces fit

One day I'll stand before You

And look back on the life I've lived

Cause You're already there

You're already there

When I'm lost in the mystery

To You my future is a memory

Cause You're already there

You're already there

Standing at the end of my life

Waiting on the other side

And You're already there

You're already there

You see, over the past 5 years through everything I have been through, I have learned one very big lesson....even when we don't understand why something is happening...God does!!!!!  He knows and He is walking through it with us.  He is already on the other side to greet us when we get there, standing next to us cheering us on as we run this race called life!  He loves us and even in the hard and difficult things He NEVER LEAVES us!!!!

So as I continue on this journey of life, and as I wait to see where this path is taking me over the next few weeks, I have NOTHING to fear for He is with me!