It was bound to happen....

I knew it was coming, I just wasn't sure when!  The "it" was the incredible ache for what I left behind in NJ.  Well today, it finally happened!  I have been here nearly 3 weeks but have been kept busy with finding an apartment, getting stuff I need, working and taking classes for work.  This week however I ended up with a long 3 day weekend which was a little too much down time for me.

This morning I went to a church of a co-workers.  It was fine but it was not my home church, with my friends and pastor.  Today also would have been my Sunday to sing on the worship team!  When I met the pastor he asked my about my home church and I barely got through it without losing it.  Once I got to my car I sat down and started to cry.  At that very moment, my friend and old roommate texted me saying that there was a SaraJane shaped whole on the worship team and that my friend Trisha really missed me too.  Once I read that text I couldn't stop crying.  Even now as I type it, my eyes are watering.

People who know me well, know that I am not a crier nor am I super emotional.  However, as tough as my time in NJ was, I learned who my true friends were who stuck by me through illness, brain surgery, being knocked out of nursing school, 2 job losses, 2 car accidents and the list goes on.  Through all of that I learned a lot about myself and I learned a lot about opening up to others.  More importantly I began to learn the importance of not being so self-reliant, rather to first rely upon God and second to allow His people to come in and support me.  As I was just getting comfortable with that idea and seeing how amazingly my church will step up in times of need, God moves me to Texas.  I know there is a lesson in all of this.  And the adventurous side of me loved the idea of moving to Texas.  However, the side of me that is not great at opening up and allowing others to walk side by side me in my toughest times was not looking forward to this next lesson.  I know that part of this is that God had taken me as far as I was going to go in that environment and now it is time for me to learn to fly with Him.

It is days like today that I wish I could transport myself to NJ, even if just for a little while, to be around the one's I love and who love me just as I am....all my flaws and challenges.  But I know in due time God will provide what I need down here, in a church, in friends and in a support system.  It is just going to be a bit of a struggle in the mean time and a learning to rely on Him and His perfect love and timing.  He has never failed me and I KNOW He will not fail me in the future.

So today may be difficult but it is in these times I can lay my broken heart at the Lord and wait upon Him to pick me up and carry me as He always has and always will!

A dear friend in NJ gave me a devotional and today I read it and it was PERFECT for the moment as only God could have timed it.  Each devotional is for a specific day.

Today's devotional: May 19

"I want you to know how safe and secure you are in My Presence.  That is a fact, totally independent of your feelings.  You are on your way to heaven; nothing can prevent you from reaching that destination.  There you will see Me face to Face, and your joy will be off the charts by any earthly standards.  Even now, you are never separated from Me, though you must see Me through eyes of faith.  I will walk with you till the end of time and onward into eternity.

Although My Presence is a guaranteed promise, that does not necessarily change your feelings.  When you forget I am with you, you may experience loneliness or fear.  It is through awareness of My Presence that Peace displaces negative feelings.  Practice the discipline of walking consciously with Me through each day."

I Cor 13:12-13: For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.  And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Psalm 29:11  The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace.