Faith my puppy

So Faith has had quite the time lately. First she was having some stomach problems, then she injured her front right paw playing Frisbee. Then while we were at the school near by throwing the Frisbee Faith sliced her back left paw. My roommates father said she could walk like an Egyptian...haha (get it right front paw and back left paw injured...ok so you would have to see his impression to make it funny).

Well, Since she sliced her pad on her back foot I have been playing nurse, soaking it, disinfecting it, putting second skin on it and wrapping it in order to heal it up. She is quite the drama queen about the hole deal as well. The first 2 days when we would go walking outside she would limp past her favorite guys at the sweeping company next door to get their sympathy...then as soon as we turned to corner she would trot. She loved to make sure that her bandaged foot was on display for all to see and her sad face was quite pitiful looking.


Initially I put a sock on her foot because it wouldn't stop bleeding. She really didn't like this and kept slapping and kicking her foot in the air and then plopping down with a sad pitiful look. At this point I realized I was going to have to do something else.


This was the final product after soaking the foot, putting second skin on it which acts like a glue, and then wrapping it. She was much more tolerant of this one though this is the one she like to prominently display for all the boys next door to give her sympathy.

After days of not being allowed to run or chase the Frisbee she has decided she doesn't like me too much and enjoys being with my roommate and her guitar. Months ago, not being able to be active would have been a very bad thing as she would have gone crazy but now as she is about to turn 3 she really seems to be settling and though she would rather go for runs with me she seems to be enjoying lazy napping all day.

Some blog catch up!

My niece came over for a slumber party in April and I finally have a chance to post some pictures. We enjoyed a good night of dancing and playing before sleep overcame us. Enjoy the pictures!
She loves to be flipped around!

Dancing away!
She loves playing with my roommate Miss Audrey!

Pretending to be a model she loves to pose for the camera!
Joining in the fun...I think my niece took this one.

Audrey, my dog Faith, and my niece dancing to the music.

And finally sleep! She loves my gigantic teddy bear and wanted to use it as a pillow.

Positive things on the horizon!

Thank you to all of you have sent me notes of encouragement! As difficult as it is not to be back at school and preparing for an August Graduation, I am enjoying some time of much needed rest. I spent today trying to find out what my options are.

The crazy thing is that many nursing schools do not recognize another schools nursing credits. So many of the schools were telling me either I would have to start completely over or that I would get credit for nursing 1 leaving me 3 other nursing classes to take. Ugg how annoying! However, I found a program that you have to have finished more than 50% of your clinical hours and nursing classes, which I have, and then you qualify to be in there program.

The way it works is that you have to take a series of as many as 8 exams to show your knowledge of the material, do a simulated clinical nursing exam as well as travel to a site for a 2 1/2 day clinical test where they check that you know your skills. I should be able to get some credit for my nursing classes so the 8 exams are likely going to be less.

The benefit to this program is that I have already done the clinical time so I don't have to make it up, just prove to them I know my stuff. The rest is self paced, just prepare for the exam and schedule a time to take it. I can work 3/4 time or full time while I finish. And in the worst case scenario (like taking all 8 exams) my total cost would be less than one semester at my current school or many others at a whopping $4115. That is only if I were to receive no credit for my current classes which they thought I should be able to do. The other benefit is that I have not missed an admissions deadline as I have at many or most schools for the fall because I can start as soon as they evaluate my credits.

My obvious first choice would have been to graduate in August but I can see now how this can work out which really helps. In all reality I get my life back, I have a new niece coming any day now which I can help out with and I can really study the material and be well prepared for the RN exam I will have to take for my license.

It will be a few weeks before I know anything but I will keep you posted. Thanks for the prayers.

Finding peace in the Storm!

As I write this blog, I have a sureal feeling. A feeling like "this isn't really happening!" And yet at the same time a feeling of immense peace and knowledge that God is in control and He never gives us more than we can handle...that He has a purpose in EVERYTHING! He even has a purpose in me failing out of nursing school. My pride is shot, my emotions are raw but the reality is that I did everything in my power to change this decision but I failed my math exams not once but 3 times. I allowed my confidence or lack there of to get the best of me on this and now I am at the mercy of the school. Unfortunately the school is going to hold to the policy.

I know many of you are going to have questions: Can't you do this or that to change there mind, or what are you going to do now? Well I don't have answers to those questions right now. I have done everything in my power to change the outcome but ultimately it is not in my hands. Now I have to put my energy and focus toward something I can fix which is how do I take what I have and turn it into a nursing degree elsewhere. I am a fighter and I won't give up that you can know for sure. I just have to figure out what my fight is through lots of prayer and searching.


There is a song by Casting Crowns that has been ringing in my head since I learned of this today.

Praise You in This Storm
words by Mark Hall/music by Mark Hall and Bernie Herms

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

Chorus

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth


Today I have too choices! One choice is to feel self pity and question everything I did or didn't do. Or I can choose to stand strong, move forward and praise God in this storm. I choose the latter! He has prooven Himself over and over to me and I have to remember that His word says "He will never leave nor forsake us!" and that means now, and in the future. My hope is in him and that brings me hope in this situation.

Thank you to everyone who has encouraged and supported me through this situation. Part of me feels I let you down! But I know that there is a lot of life ahead of me and just because things aren't as I planned doesnt mean that things are over.

God Bless!

Trials and Tribulations

"Seasons of fidelity and betrayal, periods of consolation and desolation, zeal and apathy are not unknown to me. And there have been times....

When the felt presence of God was more real to me than the chair I am sitting on; when the Word ricocheted like broken-backed lightning in every corner of my soul; when a storm of desire carried me to places I had never visited.

And there have been other times...
when I identified with the words of Mae West; 'I used to be Snow White--but I drifted'; When the Word was as stale as old ice cream and as bland as tame sausage; when the fire in my belly flickered and died; when I mistook dried-up enthusiasm for gray-haired wisdom; when I dismissed youthful idealism as mere naivete; when I preferred cheap slivers of glass to the pearl of great price." Brennan Manning (Catholic priest)

And yet Still I am Abba's child!

The past few weeks I have faced some difficult things and some difficult realizations, from finishing a grueling semester that left my confidence in a gutter somewhere along the way, to caring for my mom in a difficult surgery, and onto a new semester with new people, new expectations and the presence of some difficult circumstances leaving my future in the balance. On Monday after my exam, which I passed, the pressures of everything hit me. I am one who has been through stress before, and am no stranger to difficult paths, however, even I hit a breaking point and that point came on Monday. Not for any one particular reason but for a cummulation of things. After a long talk with my pastor and regaining some perspective, I felt like I was ready to take on this last 60+ days, to only wake up Tuesday and have the rug pulled out from under me. I can't explain it all now but as I know more I will share.

Yesterday and today have been a time of contemplation and reevaluating. Life as a Christian is not meant to be easy. God even says that it may be harder at times. I will never claim to be perfect, in fact I will be the first to say I am not. However, my greatest fear is to be looked at as "one of those hypocrites," as some view Christians. When you say you are a Christian there is a standard that is set upon us and rightly so, but we are human as well. As I reevaluate things I fear I have become one of those hypocrites. Not living as God would call me to, and not trusting as God would call me to do. Today when I woke up I was reminded of the verse "All of us like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; But the Lord has caused the sin of us all to fall on Him (Jesus). Isaiah 53:6

My desire is not to preach hear but the point of this blog is to share the happenings in my life. And currently this is what I am learning. I am loved by the creator of the Universe despite what I do or how I act. I can turn my back on Him and walk away and all I have to do is turn around and He is there. That is a humbling thought! Despite how I have been feeling this past few weeks, choices I have made, or ways that I have failed, God the creator of the universe Loves me.

I was reading in a book and came across this thought: "Sometimes faith is the absence of fear. other times faith may be choosing to believe God even when your heart is melting with fear. Perhaps then, faith is tested by what we do with fear, not whether or not we have it." Beth Moore. Today I am choosing faith. Faith that knows that no matter what is ahead God is there and He will guide my every step. I am choosing Faith because I know that God is the true and everlasting God, and that He promises He will never leave or forsake us. Faith because God is not a far away God who does not care about our individual needs but He is a God who cares about the very hair on our head.

Hit and run

Today after church I was taking my laundry to the laundry mat. I was pulled up near the door so that I could throw my stuff into a large basket. While I was returning to my car with the cart my car jumped. When I looked up I saw a little old lady pulling out of her handicap space. She slammed into my car and then proceeded to gas it out of the place. She was not moving slowly either. By time I realized what was happening and found my keys she was already out of the parking lot. I could only get the first 3 digits of her license plate. Who would have thought a sweet innocent little old lady could pull off a hit and run and tear out of the place like that.

Luckily my good old trusty subaru is like steel. she busted out my turn signal light, and left a dent but nothing obvious unless you are up close. As I was getting ready to move my car a guy came out of the diner next door and said "That old lady sure was speedy and not so innocent. You should have seen the look on her face." I guess he was sitting in the booth with a window looking out at the whole thing. At least I can look back at it and laugh.

First week of clinicals

Thursday was my chance to go to the operating room and observe a few surgeries. I got the chance to watch a gallbladder removed, hysterectomy, and a total hip replacement. They tell you to make sure you eat before hand to help prevent passing out. When you arrive they tell you that if you feel faint, or not well to step out of the room and that if you can't do that then just sit down. Well, I did not have to do any of that. The first two were done without any major incision and there were cameras placed inside to do all the work. I got to watch the screen the doctor was viewing for the procedure. The last one they cut into the persons leg, sawed, and hammered but it didn't bother me.

For the hip surgery it was interesting to watch the whole process. First they have a really strong tech hold the leg in position up in the air while they prep and clean the leg. Then they rest it down and start the incision. 3 doctors are in the room for the procedure. 2 are there to assist the main doctor. When they were sawing the guys top of his femur off to replace the arthritic ball and socket it was kind of a weird smell. Then they worked a rod into the guys femur, slowly making it bigger and bigger. The guy lost a lot of blood but the cool thing is that they have a machine called a cell saver where as they suction they are saving that blood to then give back to the guy as he needs it.

When I left the surgery they were doing an x ray to see if the guys femur was fractured. I wish I could have seen the end of that procedure.

It was interesting because the nurses were very intent on us realizing that they do nursing care. The funny thing is, why do they have to convince us. Some benefits to working as an OR nurse is the fact that you work mon-friday and are on call only one weekend. Most nurses have to work every other weekend in the hospital. It used to be that one nurse scrubbed in (gowned and became "sterile"). this nurse could touch the patient and was responsible for handing the doctor their tools. Then there is the circulating nurse who was not considered sterile and could not touch anything related to the surgery or the patient. This person is the one who charts, and also is the runner. At the hospital I was at, and probobly becoming more common, they are not having nurses scrub in. This person is now often a tech. who makes less money. To be honest, neither had a real exciting role but the circulating nurse had the least exciting role in my mind. I think I would be bored as an OR nurse. I don't like to stand around and I need something to do to keep me busy. In the total hip surgery the circulating nurse spent much of her time sitting there watching not doing much more than me.

Today, I was on the pediatric floor. It is a bit tough because we are at a small peds hospital, so not as many clients, and the "sick" kids are sent out. So this makes it tough to truly experience life as a pediatric nurse. I had a six yearold with a brain tumor though she was discharged by 10 am. I then got to take care of a young boy with pneumonia. Neither of the patients needed much so it was tough for me, again, trying to find something to at least look busy. I really think of myself as a pediatric nurse or a trauma/critical care nurse. I think I could do either but I wish I had a better chance to evaluate peds and see what it is truly like. I still have 3 more days so maybe in that time I can see a little bit more.

After next week I get to go to mother baby and hold lots of little newborns. Talk about a tough job. It will be hard not to want to take them all home with me.

Monday is my first exam. Hoping for a great start to the semester to take some pressure off. This semester is not so much a tough semester acidemically. The material is not as overwhelming so far, but the time commitment is. I often leave around 6:45am and dont get home till 4;30 or 5pm. By 9pm I am so spent I am ready to fall asleep. It is tough to get good quality studying in with this little of time so if anything that is what will make this semester tough. They keep adding stuff on top of it, as if we don't already have enough. Oh but Aug 14th is on the horizon. We are already nearing the half way mark of June. Thank God for that.

Off and running

I returned from a very busy last minute trip to Oregon and began my semester running. I flew in on Wednesday night, after missing two days of class. On Thursday I had a flat tire and luckily I live next to a street sweeping company and their shop. One of the guys was nice enough to take my car into the shop at 5:30am and repair my flat tire. I had to be at school at 8 am because I had a test on my first day back.

Have you ever felt so tired that you feel like you are blowing everything out of perspective. Well, I am there. I feel like there are two of me. The one who is in the midst of the chaos, and blowing even small things out of perspective. Then there is the one sitting back and knows that they are making things bigger than they need to be but can't seem to do anything about it. It is a weird feeling and one I am ready to be past.

This semester we are covering mother and baby, pediatrics, psych, and a few weeks of critical care. I am currently learning about the birthing process and the newborn but my clinical time is in pediatrics. The material is wonderful but by nature of a shorter semester the schedule is packed. Thank God I am not working beyond my every other weekend. I am now not getting home till 4 or 5pm and then trying to find time to study. We just started school last Tuesday and already we have our first test this coming monday. It all feels like a mad dash to the finish.

Tomorrow I get to go into the Operating room and watch a few surgery's. They have already warned us to eat breakfast or else we will pass out. I don't get bothered by blood and things but it should be interesting. Friday I will have my first day in pediatrics which I am hoping will be a chance for me to see if that is something I want to do. They say loving children is not enough to go into peds. Besides dealing with the parents, it can be tough to watch a child be sick. I feel like it could be a place I would thrive, but I guess that is yet to be seen.

Well, I am off to bed and up for another long day tomorrow. Please pray for my test on Monday and Tuesday and that somewhere in the midst of this I can find some rest and some perspective.