Storm has passed....

But the winds seem stronger now than yesterday and this morning. My windows are rattling and sound like they are about to explode. Very interesting. They are saying we are still getting Tropical force gusts.

Today I walked with my family through the town of Nutley and saw the very heavy flooding that has gone through the town. It was crazy to see a raging river flowing through where a beautiful park usually winds through the town.

We have survived this one now we are waiting to see if the next one that is forming will head our way as some are trying to say.

The Eye of the storm!

I lost power most of the night and morning. It just popped back on for a short time so wanted to post a quick update. We have received a TON of rain. Our road that is not in the normal flood zone is a river. The Eye of the storm is expected to pass over in the next hour and then we have the back side. Manhattan has been breached and water is beginning to flood as well as the opposite Jersey side in Hoboken.

Last night the storm rocked my 3rd floor apartment most of the night. Right now as the eye of the storm comes near it is ironic that the weather is becoming calmer. I have never been in the eye of a hurricane nor have I been near any hurricane before. But friends who have say that the eye of the storm is this beautiful quiet, calm weather. The problem they say is that the back end of the storm has to pass. So I used this slight lol to get the dog to go to the bathroom and now I am back inside secure for the next round.

Hurricane Irene heading our way...

Hurricane Irene made landfall today in North Carolina as a Category 1 storm. Usually these storms usually weaken significantly over land but this one is so large (480+ miles wide) that it is holding its shape and its strength. The outer bands are pelting us now with heavy rain. The winds are beginning to pick up now but the eye of the storm is not expected to arrive over NYC till tomorrow morning around 8 or 9am.

They have evacuated the entire Jersey Shore as well as areas along long Island as well as much of NY city. Earlier this evening they added parts of Jersey City, Newark and all of Hoboken which are all along the Hudson river between NY and NJ.

We are looking to be in for quite a ride.

Hurricane Irene

Hurricane Irene is moving ever so slowly up the eastern seaboard. The current track has it being a direct hit to New York city. One meteorologist explained that it is more than 400 miles wide and that the hurricane forced winds extend at least 90 miles from the eye of the storm. This means that the area I live in will likely experience hurricane forced winds.

There is not a single flashlight or D and C batteries on any shelf. Nor is there much water left on the shelves. Mandatory evacuations have occurred along the shore, NYC will shut down mostly tomorrow through Sunday. We are unsure whether this will be a hurricane 1 or 2 but with the amount of rain we have had of late and the route this is taking they are predicting this to be a very destructive storm.

I am hunkered down in my apartment and ready to ride it out in my new apartment. If I don't lose power I will plan to keep my blog updated.

Much love from NJ

Life in the ER

This week I started my new job at a Trauma ER in Paterson, NJ. This ER is rough and tumble with psych patients, inmates, serious trauma incidence, and gang violence. We are awaiting our move over to the brand new ER that will double us in size.

So far I am only in training and it is a slow time. But I have had the opportunities to see some interesting stuff. I look forward to this new experience.

Last day

Today, is my last day as a regular Valley Hospital Employee. At 11:30pm I will walk out the doors and move onto the next step in my career path. More than 3 1/2 years ago, I applied to a hospital in NJ from Oregon and received a call that they would like to hire me. I had no idea of the hospital or its reputation at the time and looking back I was incredibly blessed by how good a place it was.

Now as Valley changes in some drastic ways, it is time for me to move on and make some changes that are good for me. In some ways it is a step backwards in order to take two steps forward. But the opportunity to work in a level 1 trauma Emergency room at St. Joseph's Hospital is to good an opportunity to pass up. This is the dream place for me to work. I have always had a pull toward drama and crisis situations. It is the place where I can kick into gear and do my best work.

Monday morning I will begin orientation for my new job and soon I will move to nights where I will see the high drama of a level 1 trauma ER in the poor part of Paterson unfold.

To be continued....

The long road to recovery....

30 weeks and 2 days ago I had brain surgery. It was a surgery that was uncertain of how well it would fix the numerous issues that I was suffering from. It was a surgery that could lead to more complications in some cases. It was also a surgery that could have to be redone down the road. However, after having suffered for years with increasingly debilitating symptoms and especially over the last few months I decided it was well worth the risk.

Following surgery, I felt an instant relief. Never mind the serious pain from having the back of my head opened or the 2 brain infections I experienced. Somehow knowing those were only temporary made it worthwhile. Over the next few months I gained use of my right side again, had no headaches, and slowly returned to normal life.

As I prepare to go in for my 6 month follow-up MRI (I know it's a bit late), I have been having some headaches. This week the headaches have been pretty intense but it feels like it is more muscle related/tension. In order to access the brain they had to remove the muscles and reattach them. And due to the grafts they had placed, I am not allowed to have any direct massage on the area yet. So now it is back to heat packs (not appealing in this muggy weather), and muscle relaxers.

I believe that God brings us through all things for a purpose. There was a purpose in me becoming sick (sometimes I think it was to slow me down a bit). There was a purpose in me going through surgery and now there is a purpose in this. Even when things aren't a 100% right now all I have to do is think back and remind myself of how bad things were before surgery and I am so grateful for where I am now! In the mean time I will continue with my physical therapy and treatment and trust God through each circumstance.

Changes happening!

When I decided to change from Social work to Nursing, I always envisioned myself doing trauma/emergency nursing and disaster work. This has always been a passion of mine. Moving to NJ to finish my nursing degree, I never envisioned it would take SO long but with getting knocked out of school, then having to put school on hold for brain surgery, and now just taking a while to finish this last 2 exams. However, I did know that NJ would be a great place for me to work in the area I want to work.

As things have been changing at my current job and being uncertain of how long it will take to finish these last 2 exams, I decided I would try to make a change. Being so close to finishing most hospitals won't consider you for hiring because they know you will be moving on soon. In light of that I really did not think I would have much opportunity. However, a nearby hospital will be opening a brand new 6 floor critical care center including a large level 1 trauma ER. When a friend of mine got a job there, he took my resume to them and within a very short time I was called. This week I had 2 interviews and yesterday I was offered a position as an ER tech beginning in 2 weeks.

To take the offer required a pay cut and going to night shift, but I am so excited for the opportunity to get my foot in the door of a level 1 trauma ER. I will be working directly in the ER including their Trauma rooms and will be able to get a ton of experience. I am hoping that when I finish my nursing degree that I will be able to slide into a position with them as well.

St. Joes ER is in Paterson, NJ which is a very poor area and lots of gun shots, stabbings, and other issues. So I am moving from a wealthy clientele to a much poorer clientele but that is much more what I am used to and comfortable with.

As an update on my retake of my exam, they said I am ready to finally be scheduled. The lady who does that is back in the office Monday. Hopefully Monday I will have a new test date.

Time to revamp

Well, unfortunately I don't have better news. The exams boasts a measly 65% pass rate and now I know why. I did not pass my exam. The frustrating thing is, apart from Friday, I don't know that I could have been better prepared and calm. I can resubmit my forms in a week but unfortunately I think I am going to have to wait awhile to be able to pay for it. So now I just wait and see.

Rough beginning, but a fresh start

Yesterday, I started off a bit rough in my lab simulations. Then I allowed myself to get a bit discombobulated and now I have to repeat the lab simulation portion of the test today. Lab simulations was the area I was most concerned about because it was areas that we did not do in nursing school necessarily, I it is hard to practice.

But last night I came home and went over and over them and now again this morning it is feeling like second nature again. I still have till 2pm but once I get to the hospital for my 730 pt, I will be busy right up till then.

This week I have had this verse in my head and could not get it out. "I can do all things, through Christ who gives me strength." Phil 4:13. And coming into this test I knew I needed to rely fully on Christ in order to get through this! It has been a long couple years and this is one of the hardest test I have had to take. But yesterday, as I got in my car a bit frustrated with my self a song came on and it hit home.

Matthew Wests- Strong Enough

You must
You must think I'm strong
To give me what I'm going through

Well, forgive me
Forgive me if I'm wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own

I know I'm not strong enough to be
everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
For the both of us

Well, maybe
Maybe that's the point
To reach the point of giving up

Cause when I'm finally
Finally at rock bottom
Well, that's when I start looking up
And reaching out

The past 2 years, I have reached that point of giving up. This is not the giving up that means I am depressed or discouraged. It is the giving up that says, I recognize that on my own strength and my own accord I can not do enough! But that is where God's grace and mercy has always shown Himself. So today as I return to my do or die scenarios at 2pm, I am looking up, I am reaching out and I am relying on God to give me the strength to accomplish it, the peace of mind to be able to focus, the steady hands to not make stupid errors, and the ability to do the math which has been my nursing school nemesis.

And the amazing thing is, I am was most worried about the wound care station and that is the one that I did so well on. Go figure. :-)

Another amazing thing is, is that my patient this morning, I already have info on what I need to do, and it is very easy. So I am already seeing God's hand as that allowed me to spend last night and this morning reviewing for my labs. God is good, all the time!

Thanks for your support and encouragement!

Today is the day!!!!

It is 9:19am and I just finished going for a run, ironing my nursing uniforms, and now just doing last minute packing. I will be driving 2 1/2 hours up to Albany, NY where I will stay for the weekend. My exam will be taking place at a hospital in downtown Albany.

The first part of the exam starts tonight at 4pm. First we will be oriented to the exam and the weekend. Then we will do the first part of the test. This part consists of mock scenarios. We have to do 2 of the 4 following: IV push, IV piggy back, IM/Sub q injection, or Wound management. We are allowed one repeat if we make a mistake.

Then Saturday morning we arrive at the hospital at 7:30am. We will then be given 2, 2 1/2 hour blocks of time where we will take care of a patient. In this test we are to research the patient, do 3-5 areas of care that they choose for us like Respiratory Assessment, Musculoskeletal management, IV, Medications, etc. Then we must finish all of our documentation on what we did and write a care plan for what we did. If we make a mistake or if we don't finish in the 2 1/2 hours allotted we fail. We will have 2 patients Saturday and 1 on Sunday. 1 is a pediatric patient, and the others are adult patients. We can have one repeat in the pediatric and one in the adult section.

After the 2 scenarios Saturday we are finished unless we have to repeat one of the labs. Then Sunday we arrive for our last 2 1/2 hour scenario at 7:30am. If there are no pt repeats then we would be done after that patient. If there are any repeats it could last till as late as 6pm.

My specific prayers beyond passing are;

No repeats

Calmness (which I have so far)

Documentation would go smoothly

Care plan (this is a very subjective area and as I have sent in multiple care plans for review each person is looking for something different) please pray that this will not be an issue.

That things would go smoothly as if I do it every day and that my memory would be quick and clear.

I believe God has me at this point for a reason, and I believe firmly that I am going to get through this weekend with His help. I don't know if it is the process of going through brain surgery and all that I went through the past year or two, but I have such a different perspective on life. I have no doubt God is a God of His word and when He says in the Bible, "I will never leave you nor forsake you!" He means it. When He says, "I love you with an everlasting love!" He means it! When He says, "You can do all things through Christ who gives you strength!" He means it! Sometimes things don't go the way we want them to go but I am learning that often it is not the route that was best for me but I just couldn't see that then.

As all goes well, and as God guides me, I will be an uncertified nurse at the end of this weekend! Thanks to everyone who has supported me and encouraged me over the past few years as I struggled through this process!

Back to work

Tuesday, I was able to return to work 4 1/2 months after surgery! It is a slower time for the hospital so it makes it a good time to transition back in. But I am able to do all of my work with no pain! Praise God for that! It is nice to be back into the full swing of things. in 8 days I will start my last nursing exam. Yeah for changes on the horizon!

Moving

Again another God thing!!! Over the past few months the Lord has laid some things on my heart but my current living situation would not work. So a while ago I told my roommate that I was looking to move but not in any particular time frame. I knew that she needed time to find another roommate. Well, she found a roommate and was looking to move July 1st.

With my exam coming up and beginning work next week I didn't feel like I had a lot of time to search. But God took care of that for me! I found a place on Tuesday. And I returned yesterday to check it a second time and turned in my paperwork to accept the apartment. Not only is it amazing how quickly it came but the details too.

I wanted a 1 bedroom with office or a 2 bedroom, no carpets, allow pets, top floor, and a few other details. My price range made this a tough feat. Well, the apartment I found is on the 3rd floor of a 3 family house that is owned by a old Italian couple straight from Italy. The apartment is huge and has a very big bedroom and a second room the size of my current bedroom. It has a good size kitchen, living room and small sitting room. All this and it fit my requests to a T!

I decided to wait and look at another place the next day. The amazing thing is that I went to see the other place and the guy never showed up or answered my calls. But just seeing the outside of the place and I knew the apt I found was a great deal. All this and I don't have to worry about looking while I return to work and continue studying for my exam.

Nursing exam

2 weeks and 1 day will begin the beginning of my 2 1/2 day exam. This is my last clinical exam and after passing it I will be able to sit for my NCLEX exam to receive my license. I can't believe how quickly it is coming. Part of me wants this to come quickly so I can get it over with but the other part of me wants it to never come.

The exam consists of showing up at 4pm on Friday night. The first night will be an orientation and the lab simulation. During the lab simulation we will be given 2 of the 4 following tasks to accomplish in a set time frame. These will be done in a mock situation. The tasks include wound management, IV Push (giving meds through the IV), IV injection, and IV piggy back (hanging a med as a secondary IV bag). I feel pretty good about these even though I don't have much hands on with them over the past year. I have practiced them at home with a make shift set-up. I am just praying that I won't get the wound one as that one has a lot of areas where you can make simple mistakes and fail. If I fail any of these I will be given one repeat.

Saturday we go to the hospital and will be given 2 patients to care for. We will have 2 1/2 hours to accomplish the given task on each patient. We have 3-5 tasks that we are asked to complete and then we must write out a care plan and document everything in that 2 1/2 hours. Saturday we have 2 patients and Sunday we have 1. 2 of the patients are adults and 1 is supposed to be a child. If at any point we fail we will be given one extra chance on the adults and one extra chance on the pediatric.

If all goes well I could be out of there by noon on Sunday. If I make a mistake I would be there till 5 or 6. I am truly praying for this to go smoothly and that there are no repeats. I know that once you have to repeat a step it becomes more difficult because they are more critical and you are more nervous.

I have been preparing and praying for this and feel an incredible peace about it. I can't explain this peace except that it is straight from God. In all reality I have not had hands on experience in over a year and the passing rate is only 65%. But I feel as though God is preparing the way and helping me have a confidence that I can't explain. I am definitely looking forward to this being in the past. And I would definitely appreciate all the prayers I can get for that weekend. I know it is those prayers that will give me the strength to get through the weekend.

Moving forward....RN accomplished?

Not yet, but I am moving forward! June 17-19th I will be taking my last nursing exam to finish my schooling before taking the NCLEX for my certification. I was told it would take 5-7 months from putting in my application to getting a date and yet 1 month after submitting my paperwork I was given a date. God is so good.

The exam has a whopping 65% pass rate but as difficult as it is to study for I feel peaceful about it. God has brought me this far, and He will help me finish.

I will be working with an examiner in a hospital to evaluate my clinical skills. I have not had any clinical practice in over a year but I am working with a mock patient I have set up and just trying to review the requirements they have for each skill.

Here's to another milestone coming my way!

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Running

When I struggled through my last marathon November 22, 2009, I was not sure what the problem was. First I thought it was over training and would cut way back but even with rest my body wasn't recovering. However, I was finally cleared to attempt running again.

It began with mostly walking and slowly I have found myself back to running. It is a simple 3o-40 min of walking and running but it is much better than not being able to do anything. On Monday, I had the opportunity to run 3o min with my sister n law and was able to run the whole thing. It helped to have someone to run with and keep me from stopping when I really wanted to.

I now have my eye on accomplishing my comeback 1/2 marathon and marathon. I might have to walk some but I have come so far and I am looking forward to trying to challenge myself again. We will see it is one step at a time!

"I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me!" Phil 4:13

Long awaited update or maybe not :-)

It has been 18 weeks and 5 days since my surgery and I have come a long way. I have completed my official physical therapy! I reached the point where my strength and balance had come to the point where she felt that I could continue it on my own. I have even been cleared to try running which I had not been able to do since November 22, 2009.

Before the surgery, my surgeon said the surgery would help the headaches, and possibly some of the symptoms above my waist but he was not sure that anything more would be helped. My symptoms included debilitating headaches that even dilauded didn't even touch, right sided weakness and rigidity that began to cause me to fall and drop things. I began to lose the ability to use my right hand which is critical as a nurse for things like drawing blood and putting in IVs. I had chronic pain and horrible fatigue. I forced myself to get through work daily but it was becoming more difficult. In my last hospitalization they were testing me for a stroke and for seizures because of some of the symptoms that were appearing. And the symptoms didn't end there.

Well, in the 4 1/2 months since the surgery, the headaches are gone. My strength and use of my right side has returned with very little difference between the right and left side. And even the chronic pain is all but gone. Far beyond that I have regained my hearing and some of the loss of my eyesight which was not even known to be caused by this condition.

4 weeks ago the doctor cleared me to begin lifting more than 10lbs. Because of the fact that they removed the muscle to have access for surgery and then reattached them the one lagging pain from the surgery has been the pain in my neck and shoulder muscles. They would seize up and cause a lot of tension pain. But this week, I have hit a point where I can push myself and not struggle with that constant pain. I have felt energetic and able to go about my every day life without having to make modifications.

This is perfect timing since I return to work next Tuesday for the first time in months. I will return to work the first week for 3 days to ease myself in. I am really looking forward to returning to real life and putting all this behind.

God has been so faithful through all of this! Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; HE is the faithful God, keeping His covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love Him and keep His commands. Deut 7:9. I look back on the last couple years and can see how God has orchestrated every little detail to bring me to this place. From moving me to NJ 40 min near the Chiari Institute and having the great church I have, that has been so supportive. To how God has brought me through a condition of such unknown and little guarantee and now I'm feeling so much better than anyone could have ever expected. I have loved God but this has brought me closer in a very real way. Jesus has become my strength in the littlest thing to the biggest thing. You find yourself in utter dependence on Him when you are in a situation like mine but you also find yourself so incredibly peaceful despite the crazy circumstances swirling around you.

I pray that you can find that same calm and peace in the storms of this life. I would not trade any of this situation for a moment. I have gained so much because of it!

"Your love oh Lord, reaches to the Heavens, Your faithfulness to the skies!" Psalm 36:5

Surgeon Follow-up

Monday I had my 3 month follow-up appointment with the surgeon who performed my brain surgery in January. First I must say that sitting in the waiting room gave me MUCH to be thankful for. I saw people much worse off than I, making me realize that thought things were difficult for me, there is someone who is worse off than me. Sounds a little rude to say but sometimes I need a little perspective and Monday was one of those days.

As I sat with Dr. Bolognese I was excited to share with him how much I had improved. He was a champion for me but at the same time even he said my case was "no slam dunk." Meaning he was not 100% sure that all my symptoms were caused by Chiari or would be cured by the surgery. However, the progression of symptoms over the past year, opened the door for one of the best surgeons in the country and possibly world, when it comes to this condition, to perform surgery.

Since my surgery I have had no headaches, and many of my other symptoms are gone. However, I still have pain in my legs that has not gone away. It is a deep, pressure pain and they are not sure what it is. He said that if in 3 months it is not gone they will evaluate this. By this time most of what should improve from the surgery should have occurred.

In our discussion he explained when he opened me up what was there was worse than what was showing on the MRI's and CT scans. However, by the grace of God he was able to cut less bone away in the procedure. This is key in my case because the more bone that is cut away can lead to instability in my neck and possibly having to have a neck fusion.

Dr. Bolognese cleared me to increase my lifting (for the past 3 months I have not been allowed to lift over 1olbs, do you realize how many things in your every day life weigh this much. I still have to be careful lifting but for the most part I am free. He has given me clearance to return to work on June 6th and only this long because of the fact that my job requires heavy lifting. I will spend the next month in physical therapy strengthening myself for this task. Oh and no roller coaster riding for me. :-) It is important I avoid anything that can cause a whiplash which could reek havoc on my situation.

I will follow up in 3 months with an MRI. And based on what he sees there, and on my pain he will determine if there is any further treatment necessary.

I must say that with 3 months of no headaches I have been so grateful. Unfortunately in the last 2 weeks I have had headaches nearly every day. It is hard not to be frustrated by this but I have peace that God is not done. I have restarted the muscle relaxers and the hope is that it is related to the increase in my physical therapy, specifically of my shoulders and neck area. We are hoping that it is muscle tension, as they did have to remove those muscles and reattach them so they have been through a lot. Please continue to pray for this as well as for the leg pain.

Blessings

Update long overdue

It has been way too long! I am 3 months post surgery and will be meeting with my surgeon next week. I am feeling much better. It has been a long 3 months. I have had up and down days and still do but they are getting further and further apart.

I can finally sleep without pain most of the time. I am doing physical therapy 3 days a week and on my own 3 days. My physical therapist is fantastic and she is good at pushing my limits. She told me the other day she was really proud of me...which was weird to hear. We are hoping that next Monday when I meet with my surgeon that I will have my 10lb lifting limit lifted. Then she is really going to kick my butt. Each evaluation I have shows that the balance, and right sided weakness is improving quite significantly. This is one thing many doctors refused to attribute to my chiari.

I have not had a headache since the surgery apart from the ones from my brain infection. Every time I have a little twinge of one, I must admit I get nervous. I know that repeat surgeries are not uncommon but my doctor has a significantly lower rate than other surgeons. I am praying that this is it.

I am still not working. If I worked a desk job I could probably return but since I have to lift patients I am not allowed to return yet. I am hoping that if my lifting limit is cleared next week that I can spend May rebuilding my strength so that I can return to work at the beginning of June without risk of injury.

I am keeping myself busy with studying for my last nursing exam, for a medical coding certificate that I am completing as well as doing my physical therapy.

Thanks for all the support! I have received so many cards and gifts and for that I am so thankful.

It's been a while

Sometimes it's hard to think of fresh things to share on here when my life does not consist of much but sleep, rehab, sleep, and more rehab. Doesn't seem interesting to share though I know so many follow this to keep up on how I am doing. This Thursday will be 6 weeks since my surgery. CRAZY how time has flown by and yet it feels like such a lifetime ago.

I have spent much of that 6 weeks cooped up inside and becoming stir crazy. It has been both frigid and icy or snowy out much of that time and none of that is a good scenario for me getting out. The obvious is the snow or ice being a slipping hazard. The less obvious is that the cold temperatures cause the muscles in my neck to spasm and being that they had to remove them to do the surgery and re-attach them, this is painful. So instead I have kept myself busy with reading, studying my bible, sleeping, knitting, sleeping, watching TV, and more sleeping. :-). I have been able to mostly get off the pain meds except for days of physical therapy. This has helped with me being able to not feel so sleepy and my body seems to be adjusting to the high levels of muscle relaxers, making it less diff to stay awake with them.

I am currently going to physical therapy 3 days a week and on the off days I have built up to being able to walk for an hour. Nothing fast and its flat here so not too difficult but definitely some improvement. I am hoping that in the next week or so I can get back to my gym and start using the machines there. However it is limited since I have to lift less than 10lbs for a few more months. That is a difficult task because so much in life ways 10lbs or more and normally you never think about it. But as stubborn as I am, I want to be good with this because I want to never have to have this surgery redone (always a possibility).

Every day I am blessed by the ways God is providing and bringing healing. I am so blessed by ALL the cards, and notes. I wont ever be able to respond to them all but please no how truly grateful I am. I pray God will bless each of you with an abounding love, joy and peace that only comes from the maker of the universe.

Baby Steps

All new things start with baby steps. My first step was to have my surgery. 8 hrs in the operating room and then 6 days in the hospital. On the first day I was up walking a full lap around the nurses station, then I spent most of the day up in the chair. The nurses were saying how well I was doing, beyond what they had seen. I was determined to spend every possible moment awake up in the chair which is the only way I could get better. By my last day there I had walked 3 laps around the nurses station in the morning and again another time in the evening. Within a week and a half of being out of the hospital I was able to walk around the house without the walker.

All these small baby steps forward and then I got a viral brain infection that completely knocked me for a loop for nearly 2 weeks. The fevers are finally gone I hope, but the nausea has hung on. Yesterday I could finally get some toast down and some fluids. Today I was able to eat some cereal and toast.

Nearly a month later that 2 week set back took its toll. But today was a nice sunny day and a little warmer. With a few days above freezing the roads and sidewalks are pretty clear so I was able to take a short walk with out risk of falling. I made it about 6 blocks round trip. Not much but considering how little I have been able to do that is HUGE for me. I would rather not tell you however that that short little jaunt took me nearly 35 min and my heart rate got going even at that ridiculously slow pace that isn't even fast enough for a good Oregon girl. I feel like I just did a 5 mile run.

To think I was running marathons, and now I am barely walking 6 blocks without being fully exhausted for the rest of the day. But I am so grateful after the past 2 week set back that I could do as much as I did. All this is only by God's grace and mercy. He is my strength and my salvation. In Him I can do all things. The top of the mountain looks so far away but He doesn't call me to run there. He only asks that I take steps forward. In my case it is baby steps for now. And I am learning to accept that.

Sorry It's been a while!!!

Sorry that it has been a while since my last post. I broke my 6 days of fever finally and went for a CT scan as well as blood work. I just have not been feeling well, and sleeping a lot. I have been very nauseous and super sensitive to smells of any kind. My stomach is one of the things not recovered yet, and the vomiting and fevers for those 6 days have whipped me out. Hopefully the doctor will have my CD of the CT scan so he can look at what the reporting doctor had said regarding the fluid on the brain and inflammation. The ideal situation would have been to go pick it up myself and mail it next day air but unfortunately that wasn't an option so instead I am at the will of the hospital.

My mom is still here and happy to be flying home tomorrow. It has been a long few weeks but I really could not have made it without her. God is good!

Thanks for everyone who are sending messages and notes of encouragement. It is a true blessing.

Update

So yesterday, the doctor decided after 6 days of moderate temperatures to finally send me for a CT scan of my brain as well as blood work. Today they called me and told me the blood work was OK. So it is likely a viral infection that I was dealing with. The CT scan however shows inflammation in the brain and fluid around the brain. This could be a problem or it could be normal considering I have just had brain surgery. The surgeon is waiting to receive a copy of the CD so that he can evaluate it himself and determine if these things are just normal post surgical things or whether this is a complication that needs to be taken care of. t

Today, I had a day free of fevers for the first time since last Thursday. I am still dealing with the headaches and just not feeling good. But considering all I have been through in the past week, it is probably going to be a while before I am feeling much better. But that time will come soon enough.

Please pray for a timely arrival of the CD to the Surgeon and for things to be clear as to what is going on. Pray for wisdom on there end as to what needs to be done if anything.

Physical therapy

Today, I went to my first physical therapy appointment. Today was just an evaluation so they could make a plan for my recovery. They are focusing on my necks strength and mobility. Also they are going to ask the doctor for permission to extend my physical therapy to work on strength in the rest of my body especially legs, and arms. as well they will work on my balance.

Starting next week I will begin physical therapy 3 to 4 days a week for the next 3 months. I am looking forward to starting this next phase in my recovery. For the next few weeks I am still not allowed to drive so that is the largest challenge I have. But I have recently found out that my hospital has a car that will transport a person back and forth for appointments and for employees they wave the fee. They serve a 30min radius. My house is hopefully just barely in that radius. They said they would see and as long as it is close they would provide transportation as they can. It's a very small group and is first come first serve but hopefully that will work for a for a few weeks till I can drive.

Serious situation

So Thursday was my first follow up with my neurologist since my surgery. This is the original doctor who diagnosed me and she has been my staunchest supporter through all of this. One of the first things she said was, "Wow you look very pale and have very bad circles under your eyes." At that point I didn't realize how sick I was and I was just excited to show her I had done so well since my surgery. After leaving her office I proceeded to vomit during the ride home. Once I was home the vomiting continued. By about 5 am that had settled but the headache and neck pain was still very severe. Friday morning out of the blues I decided to check my temperature and to my dismay it was 99.9. This is only a moderate temperature but in light of just recently having brain surgery is a very important thing to pay attention to.

So I called my surgeons office and the nurse was concerned as well. She called the doctor as soon as he was finished with surgery and following that she called me back and explained that they want to monitor it over the weekend to see what happens. Really the main thing they can look at is my temperature and they are hoping it does not hit 100.3. Normally they look at temperature, a headache, stiff neck and sometimes a rash.

Well headaches are difficult in this case because post surgery that can be normal or a sign of other things. Stiff neck is also difficult because I just had major surgery which is going to require a couple months of physical therapy for my neck. However, I have been working on this and have had decent mobility and now with this it has gone to virtually no movement.

The main thing is if I have a fever of 100.3 or if vomiting continues then I am to call them and speak with the on-call doctor or go to an ER. Some are asking why wait? Well, currently the experts in this are concerned but also think that there is not much they can do to diagnose it at this time. One of the main diagnoses tools is a spinal tap and we all know how well that went last time. Beyond that I am not sure whether it is even possible to do a spinal tap this soon after brain surgery.

Friday night my temperature broke and there was a little improvement in my symptoms. However early Saturday morning those symptoms worsened as did my temperature. I am concerned that things are obscure and I am definitely not feeling well. My plan is to call the doctor Monday as long as things stay as they are and be firm with them that I would like a further evaluation. Being that the difference between whether it is a viral or bacterial infection becomes a critical situation and the symptoms are not really clear I don't want to wait too long.

Please pray that the symptoms become very clear and the doctors can differentiate them to make a clear diagnosis. Either one is serious but one is much more serious than the other. Pray for wisdom as to what tests to do and when.

Thanks to everyone who has been so concerned about this as well so supportive! It has been an overwhelming blessing.

No more staples!

Today was my first follow-up with my doctor since I had surgery. My friend picked me up and drove me there. I have been experiencing a very bad low-pressure headache which is not unexpected following this major surgery. It is related to my body's slow adaption to the changes of pressure in my brain. This one however, has been very intense, including vomiting. My poor friend had to put up with it on the way home. Thank God she had a plastic bag :-)

The doctor was impressed with my recovery but was concerned that I did not look well today. I was very pale and had circles under my eyes. They took my staples out which was a big relief. She did say though that there was great improvement in my muscle weakness which is a huge step.

Now I am home and I am not moving. For some reason movement is what my body can't handle. It didn't matter if it was me moving or the car moving. So for now, it is a mellow evening with hopes that this will pass soon!

Last night I had a hard time falling asleep. The pain medicine keeps me wired and so most nights I don't sleep or don't sleep well. I have been trying different things to try and make things more conducive to sleep. Last night I think I managed to fall asleep around 3am. I did not stay asleep well this time however, because I was having serious neck pain and base of the skull pain. It is really hard to describe but I feel like I need to pop my neck like a chiropractor. Now don't go sending me emails about how I shouldn't :-), I know that I should not and will not, believe me! However, that is the best way I can describe it. It is probably the most pain apart from headaches that I have had since the surgery. I finally gave up around 8 am and just got up.

Since then I have now added one of my bad headaches that are super painful. I can't find a position to get comfortable in but the least comfortable is laying down. I am praying I will find some relief from this soon and that in the meantime I handle it with grace and strength. God is my ever present help in times of need and this situation is no different.

One thing I am extremely grateful for is the help of my mother, who flew here for three weeks to help me. For those of you who know our relationship, you know this could be a recipe for disaster. This has been one of my biggest prayer requests and God has answered it in a huge way. We are 2 weeks into her stay today and it has been a huge blessing. I have really enjoyed the time we have had and the support she has been. She has helped me take baths and showers, she has cleaned, she has washed my hair, and braided my hair. She has done laundry and she picks up things off the floor because I can't. She is painting somethings that needed to have touched up. She is like superwoman. I really can't imagine how I would have gotten through these 2 weeks without her. I can't lift, I can't bend over, I couldn't walk for a while without help, I really couldn't cook or do much of anything. I don't know how I would have accomplished these tasks without her. And God has so perfectly guided each day that it has been pleasant and encouraging, no mother daughter fights that could easily be a problem between us. Praise God for this miracle and blessing!

How a day in our house looks:

Once we have showered and ate my mom and I have been spending a lot of time knitting. This is often how it looks around our house right now. Sometimes it includes watching a movie but most of the time it is knitting.




Faith laying around and always looking for a good belly rub!


If Faith is not getting a belly rub she loves to lay on the end of the lazy boy chair when I am in it.

surgery update

Overall my recovery has been much better than I expected! I have been really blessed by how God is providing and giving me exactly the strength I need it, when I need it. However, today is a more difficult day. I am nauseous and having a bad headache. Overall I just feel very blah and uncomfortable. Days like today make me very grateful for the good days and I look forward to when this day is over and I can begin a new day.

This evening we are preparing for a snow and ice storm which should make for some interesting times the next 48 hours. I love snow but ice I can do without. Last night the town did a big snow clearing event to try and get rid of the lingering snow in the streets in preparation for this next storm.

Operation Snow Removal

Tonight my mom and I were in the living room chatting when we heard what sounded like an army of trucks outside. When I looked outside this is what I saw:

Some of the photos are a little different because I was playing around with effects on my computer.


A large back how was plowing the street to clear old snow from our 60 inches of snow this year so far. It was then unloading it into a dump truck.

There was a line up of these dump trucks about 2 blocks long.

This is one of about 5 back hows that was clearing the street from all the snow from our previous storms.

Before my surgery I used to take Faith down to a parking lot at the end of the block to play Frisbee. At that time they had been dumping truck loads of snow in the parking lot to try and clear the streets because we have receive SO much snow there is no where to put it. Since then we have had another 2 storms. We had 30 inches of snow in a storm right after Christmas. In January alone we received another 30 or more inches of snow. So all that noise was the town of Bloomfield working meticulously to clear our roads of all this snow in preparation for another storm expected the next day.

Big step!

Today was a big day for me. It has been 10 days since the surgery and I have been up and around but only in the house. My friend Meredith came over this morning for a short time and we decided to take a very short walk outside. We took my walker outside and walked on the sidewalk to the corner which is about a quarter to half of a block. The walker helps me with the right side instability and as well it served to help in case there was a patch of ice.

We made it down and back with no problems. It felt so good to both be outside in the crisp, fresh air! When I walk I feel pretty good. My biggest problem is holding my neck up. They removed the muscles of my neck for the surgery and then put them back. So they are very tight and keep spasming. It helps when I support the neck by laying down or sitting in a supportive chair. Each day I am able to be up more but I can tell when I have done too much because there is a pulling and pressure in the neck area.

Berry Muffins

My roommate and I decided to try a new recipe over the weekend. I love to juice using my champion juicer. The taste of fresh juice made right then is so delicious. My favorite recipe is Apple, spinach, kiwi juice. It is a tasty, sweet apple flavor. the spinach adds a TON of nutrients without adding flavor.

So the juicer I use unfortunately kicks out a decent amount of pulp which I will often add into things to add fiber. Well we have talked about using it for muffins and this weekend we finally tried it making raspberry muffins.

This is our green pulp which we added all of our ingredients to. It looks gross but believe me it is not.

Here is the Recipe if you get adventurous:

4 cups pulp (they tell you of specific types of fruit but since it really doesn't have flavor we just used what we had.

1 cup olive oil

3 eggs

1 cup honey

3 cups whole grain flour

1tbsp baking soda

1 tsp of nutmeg (optional)

1 tsp of vanilla

1 cup of fresh or frozen berries of choice

Mix the pulp with the wet ingredients

Add the dry ingredients

Stir in the berries

Pour into muffin cups or greased muffin tins.

Bake for 45 min at 350 degrees

The finished product:

Now I know that the green might look unappealing but these were FANTASTIC! They tasted so moist and flavorful. Wish you could have tried a bite with us :-)

A month of snow.....

Since the weekend after Christmas We have had more than 60 inches of snow. Our first snowfall of the year was 30 inches right after Christmas. Last Wednesday we received 17 inches of snow and again this Tuesday we are looking forward to another potentially large storm. I personally love snow and especially here, it is fantastic because they are able to plow it and make the roads drivable.

(This is a picture of my mom throwing the frisbee for my dog in our snow covered drive.)

(Faith carrying the fris over a 5 ft mound of snow that is left from all the snow being piled in our yard and the end of our drive.)

New Jersey has had so much snow in a months time that they have already run out of its budget for snow removal. Towns, businesses, and private home owners don't know where to put all the snow. At the end of our block there is a parking lot with mounds of snow piled 10-15ft high. Our church had to send out an email requesting people to carpool if possible because street parking is so difficult to come by because of all the snow.

1/27/11 Snow and Recovery day

Another beautiful day of snow timed perfectly after I was home from the hospital and settled in to enjoy its beauty!

Today was a beautiful snow day. My roommate, mom and I were stuck in for a relaxing day. Audrey and my mom shoveled, cleaned and chatted with me much of the day. I still hadn't slept at this point because I'm so overstimulated by the meds. Hopefully the doctor can give me a suggestion for this. In the mean time I am trying to not let it fool me and get me to do too much and hurt myself. I am not to lift over 5lbs and my gait is still unsteady. I need to be cautious I don't open the incision site up, and I need to maintain the pressure that will allow healing.

God has been so faithful in this whole process from getting my mom here, to holding the snow off till after the surgery, to providing the little things for my families needs while I am in surgery. God even provided a companion in my friend Carmen, for my mom while I was in the hospital. They stayed at the hotel together for the first few days and Carmen would shuttle her and keep her company. My mom still talks today about how great it was and how she felt so relaxed. Carmen let her be her, let her cry, let her just relax which was what my mom needed while her daughter was dealing with brain surgery. I am already hearing all the stories my mom told Carmen!

Below are a few pictures of the snow day we had...hope it bring joy to you like it does me. God's creation is so gorgeous especially when it is pure white as snow... a reminder of the purity we receive when we accept Jesus as our savior. We are no longer stained, torn, rejected. Instead we are pure, mended, and accepted.

Audrey working on shoveling out her car!

Faith playing in the snow round 1

Oops guess the sweater needs to be longer to prevent these snowballs from clumping on her underbelly. Talk about painful!

Faith in the snow Round 2

This time we tried one of my shirts which was long enough but it was too loose and she kept getting tangled. Guess we are back to square 1!

After Audrey found out her car wouldn't start she started to clean off my car so that she could use it for work until hers could be fixed. My mom decided to go out and help her!

2nd day home

Well after a near catastrophe with not being able to get the pain meds they prescribed when I came home tuesday night, my brothers were able to come to the rescue Wed morning with much needed relief. It had been a very long and painful night but God faithfully got me through it with just the strength I needed and opening the doors the next day. Wed proved to be a more challenging day. I was having a difficult time getting comfortable. My muscles in my neck are tensing and becoming rigid despite trying to move them and taking muscle relaxers. I am supposed to be moving it in all directions, except back, in order to prevent it from ceasing up and begin the physical therapy portion of my recovery.

On top of the tension I began to get a low pressure headache that takes the cake over my headaches post Spinal tap in December. This headache would be a 15-20 on a scale of 1-10. It was an intense, throbbing pressure that makes you want to drill a whole in your head and help it. After my spinal tap, laying down was the best thing and within a half an hour it would go away if I stayed there.

This one just intensified and because of the incision, laying flat was difficult anyway. During the evening I was vomiting and very uncomfortable. That night I took my meds frequently and tried numerous positions to try and relieve some pressure...to no avail.

Today when I woke up I just kept drinking Gatorade as the doctor had said, in hopes to replace the fluid I lost but still the pain, nausea, vomiting persisted. However, despite the pain, I was super hyper and unable to sleep since 7am Wed morning. The pain meds were giving me an energy that doesn't make sense and was making it difficult for me to sit still or relax. My roommate and mom kept telling me to sit down, relax, stop doing things. First off, I don't know well how to stop doing things but then you add these meds and I am the most driven, motivated person you will ever meet.

I have emailed the doctor for suggestions but in the mean time pray for some sleep and pain relief.

Home sweet Home!

I finally got discharged from the hospital last night after one last bolus of IV fluids. They had to keep giving me more IV fluids because in the first 48 hours they had to keep me so dry with diuretics to prevent a coma from brain swelling. So once I was clear of that potential risk they had to help me rehydrate because my body was not producing enough fluid to replace the CSF fluid around my brain. When this happens I get a low pressure headache, dizziness, and nausea. The fluid from the IV's were really helpful but now that I am home I have to be very careful to drink A LOT so I don't end up with low pressure headaches which are only made better by being flat.

The ride home was very long and I didn't realize how difficult it would be. My neck got super stiff and painful. I am suppose to work on keeping it loose but it just so naturally tenses because of the fact that they had cut into the muscles in my neck. Most Chiari patients say this is the part that takes the longest to get better.

On the way home my brother and mom stopped at Target to pick up my prescriptions. By that point I was really in need of pain meds only to find out that Target doesn't carry the pain medication that I needed. We went to the next one and again they couldn't fill it. Once I got home I began calling every pharmacy available and found one that had it. However, because it is a narcotic they needed to be able to reach the doctor and could not. That left me with a night of no pain medicine after just having brain surgery 6 days ago. I had not been able to go more than 2 hours at a time without it.

I made it through a difficult night and until my brothers came to my rescue this morning. Today I am doing ok. Still a lot of pain, and dizziness but I am glad to be on the other side.

I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to have this surgery. As much pain as I am in now, it is crazy how clear my head feels. I can already see an improvement even in the little things like my eyesight and my hearing. I look forward to seeing all the little things that will get better each day over the next few months.

Surgery update

It is Sunday and I had surgery on Thursday. The first 2 days were much better than was expected. By Friday I was able to walk a lap around the hallway. By Saturday I was able to do it once with a walker and one time around without. It felt very good to be up and moving.

Last night the pain management team came in and decided because of a rash I was getting and because of the percocept every 4 hours not being enough they are going to keep the percocept every 4 hours as I need it and I can use Morphine in between to help with the break through pain. It worked well over night and I was able to sleep for 1-2hrs at a given time which is much improved from before when I would sleep a restless 20min and startle awake.

This morning, however, I am feeling the worst since the surgery so we are taking it very slow. There is some concern of a spinal fluid leak because of the headaches coming when I am upright (I am typing this laying flat) also the nausea and dizziness. It feels very similar to how I felt when I was discharged from the hospital in December following my spinal tap. I am praying I don't get it or that at least I will have the strength to be able to endure that again.

They were able to remove the Foley and stop the diuretic which was removing excess fluid from my brain to prevent swelling. This allows me a little more freedom. They are maybe going to send me to a regular floor today but this room is nice because I have no roommate and they are allowing visitors with no problem.

Yesterday my mom and Carmen spent the day with me and I got a nice surprise visit from Loredana, Trish, Anthony, Brad, and German. Later Michelle came by to visit and it was perfect because she was able to drop my mom off at the hotel. My mom absolutely can't stop saying how thankful she is for Carmen who was a huge support to her...it made it easier for me as well, because I didn't have to worry about her getting lost or anything.

Today's goal is to figure out if my electrolytes (potassium, and sodium) are in line...the have not been since the surgery. Also they are trying to rule out what is causing the rash as well as determine if there is a spinal fluid leak. I am not up out of bed today because of the headaches and dizziness. Hopefully I will be able to get up a little later.

God is sufficient for me and gives me the strength I need for each new moment.

Psalm 34

I will extol the LORD at all times; his praise will always be on my lips. I will glory in the LORD; let the afflicted hear and rejoice. Glorify the LORD with me; let us exalt his name together.

I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. This poor man called, and the LORD heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.

Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him. Fear the LORD, you his holy people, for those who fear him lack nothing. The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing. Come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD. Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days, keep your tongue from evil and your lips from telling lies. Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.

The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous, and his ears are attentive to their cry;
but the face of the LORD is against those who do evil, to blot out their name from the earth. The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all; he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken. The LORD will rescue his servants; no one who takes refuge in him will be condemned.

This is my bandage and the place where my head was shaved for the surgery! should be fun styling that until the rest grows out. Hats here I come.


First day following btain surgery and he got me upto the chair... Today the anesthetic had worn off so the pain was getting uncomfortable. And sleep has not come due to the pain meds, steroids, and my diuretic to keep my brain from swelling are causing me to not sleep but 20 minutes at a time.

My mom finally got a chance to do my hair. Something she always wished for when she had a girl...only took brain surgery and 32 years for me to let her. She was in heaven.

Walking with a walker. My first time up.

2nd time up. Once around with the IV pole.